“Because creative living is a path for the brave.” – Elizabeth Gilbert
Each summer, Standing Wave, a Juno-Nominated ensemble, runs a composition workshop in downtown Vancouver. I really wanted to go because it would be my first big opportunity towards becoming a composer (with a more capital C!)
The application, however, required two of my best works, and I only felt confident enough to present one. I had to get a new song done within a month, maybe have an hour or two a night, if I was lucky. And I came up with a ton of reasons why I couldn’t or shouldn’t. I’ll be too burned out after work. I will only come up with something good if I have unlimited time to work. I have time, but only at night when I’m least productive. I don’t stand a chance against the master’s students applying. All of these excuses are somewhat valid, and all of them, tastefully convincing.
In truth, I wanted to wait until I wasn’t scared to start doing it. My logic was that I could then write a perfect song that would guarantee an acceptance letter. I wanted a world where I could complete it in a single session, sipping a latte as the music notes would simply fall out of my ears and onto the staves. But it didn’t turn out like that. I’d have so much brain fog after a full day of work and studying that by the time I did sit down to write, I’d just come up with grey noise. Some days, it felt more like I was trying to build a bookshelf from two different Ikea models than actually writing music.
So why am I telling you this? Because showing up consistently in creative pursuits requires courage. Not for you to be fearless. It’s a whole lot of elbow grease, confidence-maybe even a bit of delusion that you can somehow turn a bookshelf with mismatched parts into something beautiful. So today, I am going to give you my simple tools and gentle reminders to give you the courage to start, continue, and finish any creative project:
Use dramatic music to force you to start working. It channels anxiety into excitement, giving you zero chances to procrastinate on starting. Most importantly, it gives you the courage to tackle the hardest task on your to-do list first.
My go-to song for this is Golden Hour by JVKE 🦋 I close my eyes, take some deep breaths, and then start doing my work when the melody breaks into a beam of light roughly 45 seconds into the song. Call me dramatic; I don’t care. It’s given me a 100% success rate at completing things I get nervous about- quitting my job, going into interviews, hitting send on applications that led me to have my music performed, and, last but not least, the little push I need to show up at my desk to work each day.
Spray your wrist with a nostalgic fragrance and smell it while working. I love wearing perfume to feel pretty, but even more to propel me through a deadline. For me, this scent is Indigo by NEST, which smells as sweet as blueberry pie. It takes me right back to the moment I was linking arms with my friends, walking out of the Eatery, one of my favourite Vancouver sushi places, fresh after a breakup. The memory of them hugging me tight and telling me that they loved me when I was going through something extremely tough and uncertain reminds me that I can do the same thing now.
Read The War of Art by Steven Pressfield. As it turns out, being really good at something isn’t so much about being motivated, inspired, or a genius- but having the discipline and courage to show up every day, rain or shine (and I haven’t found a better book that expands on this topic.)
Focus on how much you love it. Playing back a core memory that keeps you rooted in your why, reflect on how far you’ve come, and how much you can look forward to improving is a powerful tool when fear gets in the way.
I’m pretty sure a third of my song was unplayable the first time I ever wrote for harp. It was a small disaster. But I remember how strong the desire was to satisfy my curiosity and improve that it overpowered any initial embarrassment I had felt about my mistakes played in front of my class. That for me, is the spark that keeps me going.
So the first time you designed a dress, wrote a short story, painted a commission, directed a photoshoot- whatever memory that made you realize that this is something you love- keep it close to your heart.
Mistakes, failures, and rejections are as important, even more so than wins. As you can tell from my anecdote, there’s a lot of hidden wealth in prioritizing improvement over successes, even if it’s not as glamorous.
It’s okay to be scared of making faults, but avoiding them will 1. take up a lot of your energy and 2. will hold you back from getting better. You don’t need to make mistakes any more dramatic than they actually are. It’s just a blip. A tiny bloop. Even if a ton of people see it. Even if you think everyone will remember. Make them, take it as a learning experience, and move on.
Journal before you start working. This is known as Morning Pages, a practice by Julia Cameron where you write three pages by hand of stream of consciousness thinking. It may seem like writing out your grocery list or talking about what you are going to do that day has nothing to do with creativity, but it actually has everything to do with it. Morning journaling gives you the option of confronting all the negative emotions and thoughts, especially fear, at the start of the day, so that you can set it aside and sharpen your mind for work.
Try your best, and remember that your best will look different from day to day. Whenever you sit down to work, the only thing you need to ask yourself is if you did your best. In fitness, it’s called “pushing yourself till failure,” but I have found it so helpful by adopting it into my creative pursuits. Give it your all until it makes you sick. The benefit is that you never end up experiencing guilt when you do fall short. It also makes it a lot easier to manage a stressful deadline, as you can softly adjust the workload to finish as needed.
Trying your best does not mean you need to have a perfect workflow. It means being ruthlessly committed to what you say you are going to do and when. Stick to putting your phone on airplane mode, and snap out of it when you go over time on your breaks. Be disappointed when you break any promises you make to yourself.
It’s also important to note that doing your best doesn’t always mean that you’ll make visible progress, which is especially annoying for creative work. But it’s important to recognize that if you realize you need to erase and redo all the work you just did, that is still a huge step forward. That is still progress.
The bigger the desire to live the life you want, the more you will inevitably have to confront things that are scary. Creatives, like you, are no stranger to this. In fact, creative people are some of the strongest, most courageous people you will ever meet- and they have to be. They not only face criticism from others but also from themselves. The whole process can be leaden with imposter syndrome, perfectionism, blocks, and burnouts. So I hope this post encourages you to stop waiting till you aren’t scared or perfectly ready. I hope it inspires you to take the leap and find that fear can be a rewarding, even beautiful part of the creative process✨
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